I had a feeling that something was different and that she was not meant to be acting in this way

To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

I read the personal experiences and I thought that I would write my own. I have not told anyone what happened but maybe this is my chance!

So I will start at the beginning. My dad was in the navy so he was away all the time. My mum found it very hard and that’s when the violence started toward me, and my brother. My brother spent most of the time out of the house. He was four years older than me.

I had a feeling then that something was different and that she was not meant to be acting in this way.

I lived with being a carer for her from when I was 5 to when I was nearly 15.

Just after Christmas this year my dad went back to Belgium where he was serving and my brother went back to university in Aberdeen, it was then that my mum started becoming ill. She stayed down stairs all the time, she couldn’t even go to the toilet. My work started to slip, I had to tell someone that I thought she had a problem.

By last lesson on Friday I had picked up the courage to tell someone but the person I was going to tell wasn’t in, so I went home hoping that my dad would be back on Sunday.

I got home and my mum was acting weirdly, her speech was slurred and she was hallucinating. On Saturday I went down stairs and there she was, lying on the floor, she had collapsed during the night. I phoned an ambulance and waited, hoping my dad would be back the next day.

She went in to hospital and I had to tell the doctor that I thought she had a drinking problem. He asked how much she drank, I told the truth, ‘7 litres in two weeks’ I said, looking at the floor. I sat with her all day, holding her hand until a social worker came and said that I had to phone someone and find somewhere to stay.

When I was on the phone a call came for me, it was my dad.  I felt really confused and picked up the phone. He had got home a day early and had found the house closed up and a neighbour told him we had gone to hospital.  I told him where we were and waited as my mum went for tests.

She stayed in hospital for 1 week and 6 days. We went in one day and she had gotten worse, my dad had seen her in the morning and she was fine then. A doctor told my dad that she wouldn’t survive the night. I was gutted.

My dad and I sat with her crying, until 7pm when a nurse on night shift came in and said that she would sit with mum all night.

I said goodbye to her for that last time, but had no idea what to say, so I said that I loved her and would never forget her, and hoped she had a good journey to wherever we go to afterward. She died at 1.am on Friday 28th 2005. I remember it so clearly.

We went to see her in the Chapel of Rest the next day. She looked so peaceful, like she was asleep. A priest came and said some prayers with us. I have never regretted going to see her.

So that’s my experience, and to anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Lexie

Categories:

I had a feeling that something was different and that she was not meant to be acting in this way

To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better,...

I had a feeling that something was different and that she was not meant to be acting in this way

To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better,...

  • About Nacoa

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • About Nacoa

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Hello!

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Nacoa branding - style guide

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Contact us Person looking at Nacoa's website for people affected by a parent's drinking to show different ways to contact for support or to get involved with the charity to help other children of alcoholics

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Governance

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • History

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Nacoa Helpline

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Calling the helpline

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Helpline FAQs

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Managing browser history

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Monitoring & evaluation

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Policies & procedures

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Our people

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Abie Dunlop

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Amanda Brett

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Amy Dickson

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Carolyn Jones

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Ceri Walker

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Dr Anne-Marie Barron

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Dr Piers Henriques

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Euan Graham Euan Graham

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Hilary Henriques MBE

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Jane Elson

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Josh Connolly

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Katy Stafford

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Laura Leadbeater

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Laurence McAllister Alleyne

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Maya Parker MA

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Peter Irwin

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Patrons & ambassadors

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • The Nacoa Promise

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Experiences Search Result

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Get involved

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Donate or become a member

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • About Gift Aid

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Become a corporate member

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Become a member

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Welcome new member

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Donate in memory

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Gift in your will

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Give in celebration

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Make a donation

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Thank you!

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • More ways to give

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Fundraising

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Thank you for signing up to Big Nacoa Walk 2024! Big Nacoa Walk thumbnail

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Raise awareness

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Sponsored events

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Volunteering

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Nacoa Volunteer Application Form

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Message boards

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Log In

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Message board rules of conduct

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Start a new topic

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Nacoa: Helping everyone affected by their parent's drinking Nacoa UK Helping everyone affected by their parent's drinking

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • News & events

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Events

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Features

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Latest

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • News

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Privacy and cookies policy

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Research & resources

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Books, videos and media

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Nacoa professionals training

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Nacoa publications

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Research

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Widening Access

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Some Punjabi and Sikh parents drink too much…

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Support & advice

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Adults

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Books, videos and media

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • FAQs

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Help and advice

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Information

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Personal experiences

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Children

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Books, videos and media

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • FAQs

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Help and advice

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Information

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Personal experiences

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Concerned others & professionals

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Books, videos and media

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • FAQs

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Help and advice

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Information

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Personal experiences

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Young people

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Books, videos and media

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • FAQs

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Help and advice

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Information

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Personal experiences

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

  • Topics

    To anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

I read the personal experiences and I thought that I would write my own. I have not told anyone what happened but maybe this is my chance!

So I will start at the beginning. My dad was in the navy so he was away all the time. My mum found it very hard and that’s when the violence started toward me, and my brother. My brother spent most of the time out of the house. He was four years older than me.

I had a feeling then that something was different and that she was not meant to be acting in this way.

I lived with being a carer for her from when I was 5 to when I was nearly 15.

Just after Christmas this year my dad went back to Belgium where he was serving and my brother went back to university in Aberdeen, it was then that my mum started becoming ill. She stayed down stairs all the time, she couldn’t even go to the toilet. My work started to slip, I had to tell someone that I thought she had a problem.

By last lesson on Friday I had picked up the courage to tell someone but the person I was going to tell wasn’t in, so I went home hoping that my dad would be back on Sunday.

I got home and my mum was acting weirdly, her speech was slurred and she was hallucinating. On Saturday I went down stairs and there she was, lying on the floor, she had collapsed during the night. I phoned an ambulance and waited, hoping my dad would be back the next day.

She went in to hospital and I had to tell the doctor that I thought she had a drinking problem. He asked how much she drank, I told the truth, ‘7 litres in two weeks’ I said, looking at the floor. I sat with her all day, holding her hand until a social worker came and said that I had to phone someone and find somewhere to stay.

When I was on the phone a call came for me, it was my dad.  I felt really confused and picked up the phone. He had got home a day early and had found the house closed up and a neighbour told him we had gone to hospital.  I told him where we were and waited as my mum went for tests.

She stayed in hospital for 1 week and 6 days. We went in one day and she had gotten worse, my dad had seen her in the morning and she was fine then. A doctor told my dad that she wouldn’t survive the night. I was gutted.

My dad and I sat with her crying, until 7pm when a nurse on night shift came in and said that she would sit with mum all night.

I said goodbye to her for that last time, but had no idea what to say, so I said that I loved her and would never forget her, and hoped she had a good journey to wherever we go to afterward. She died at 1.am on Friday 28th 2005. I remember it so clearly.

We went to see her in the Chapel of Rest the next day. She looked so peaceful, like she was asleep. A priest came and said some prayers with us. I have never regretted going to see her.

So that’s my experience, and to anyone that has gone through a similar thing I would like to say: things get better, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Lexie

You are not alone

Remember the Six "C"s

I didn’t cause it
I can’t control it
I can’t cure it
I can take care of myself
I can communicate my feelings
I can make healthy choices

Resources you may like

Keep in touch

To find out more about our events and activities, subscribe to our mailing list

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp’s privacy practices.