As an only child, I was raised by a loving and caring single mother. Until I was about 7 years old I had a secure and stable upbringing. My Mother struggled financially as a single mother but always managed to put food on the table and give me love and warmth.
Unfortunately she had suffered from depression for many years and when both her brother and mother died in just a matter of years, she began to drink socially with friends in local pubs.
It was a gradual thing over the years and she began drinking more and more. It affected our lives in many different ways. She suffered from hangovers so did not have much patience or time for me and could not deal with day to day pressures of life.
She also only socialised with other drinkers so there were always unstable friendships and relationships and nothing ever seemed to run smoothly.
All in all our lives were erratic; you never knew what was going to happen in my house, there was no routine and no rules.
She would go missing for days, I would spend days searching for her or nights crying and worrying about her.
I became a very serious, lonely teenager who was not able to trust anyone. I suffered from terrible mood swings and although I was considered a smart child, sadly I left school with no qualifications.
In my early 20’s I worked for various corporate firms but still found myself unhappy and longing to be somewhere else, to escape from my old life and from myself.
I decided to travel and have never looked back. Thankfully my travels enabled me to grow and mature as a person. To realise my needs instead of my mother’s, my fears and to realise who I am and most of all to accept that I had a mother who was suffering from Alcoholism.
It was very hard to come to terms with, as I had never been aware of what was wrong with her. I had had no one to guide me or to tell me that it was not my problem or that she had one. There had been no support for us whatsoever.
It has taken time but she has now been sober for one year and only just starting to live life, once again.
All my life I had hoped that one day my loving, beautiful, intelligent mother would return, always hoping that she would be the person that I had always believed her to be…. but in fact she is even more amazing.
I am in the process of now completing a degree but hope to seek some type of counselling, so that it does not affect my life any longer or my future children, one day.
I think that the British drinking culture is awful and that there are so many children suffering, as I did, alone.
