My mum, when sober, was the most beautiful, loving, and caring person
From around the age of nine, I began to understand that my mum was struggling with alcoholism alongside her day-to-day mental health challenges.
Her way of coping was often to block out the difficulties of life with the numbness that alcohol provided – a pattern that continued until her passing in October 2019.
Pleading with her not to drink
Being the youngest of three children, it was extremely difficult to watch her go through this.
I spent countless nights staying up with her, making sure she got to bed safely, pleading with her that she didn’t need to turn to alcohol anymore.
What I didn’t fully understand at the time was that change has to come from within – no matter how much love, care, and effort you give.
The toll on me
The pain of watching her decline took a heavy toll on me.
At one point, my own life nearly ended because of the weight of what I was witnessing and the helplessness I felt. But surviving that moment made me even more determined.
Because of seeing her put herself through this pain, I vowed to channel my own suffering into compassion and action for others.
I witnessed some of the darkest moments of her life on a daily basis, and while it was challenging beyond words, it has shaped me into the person I am today.
Message of hope
I want to put a positive message into society and help children who are, or once were, in my position – children who love their parents deeply but are faced with the pain of seeing them struggle with addiction.
If I can help even one person, I will feel I’ve made a difference. I want to be a positive role model that people can approach, someone who can share the message that there is hope.
It might not be the hope you imagine in the moment, but understanding the reasons why people turn to alcohol is essential – and something society needs more education on. This journey has made me deeply empathetic to the struggles others face.
Love and understanding
My mum, when sober, was the most beautiful, loving, and caring person.
Those who have been in my position will understand how painful it is to see someone you love transform under the influence of alcohol, knowing that you can’t control their choices or make the decision for them to change. That power is theirs alone – but the love and understanding we give along the way can still mean everything.
