Protecting my peace meant blocking my Mum
I never imagined I’d have to block my mum’s number. It felt like crossing a line I couldn’t uncross, as if I were betraying not just her but the idea of what a mother-daughter relationship should be. But sometimes, the hardest decisions are the ones that protect us the most.
Right now, I’m navigating a high-risk pregnancy—a journey that demands every ounce of my strength, courage, and calm. And yet, the person who should have been my biggest source of comfort has become a source of heartache.
My mum has always struggled with drinking, but lately, the drunk texts and hurtful late-night calls have taken a toll I can no longer bear.
Breaking point
The breaking point came after yet another cruel message that left me spiralling with stress and tears. I stared at my phone, my hands trembling, and asked myself: Is this how I want to feel while carrying a life inside me? For the first time, I chose myself—and my baby.
So, I blocked her number. Not because I stopped loving her, but because I had to start loving myself enough to say, ‘This is what I need right now’.
Pregnancy should be a time of joy and anticipation, but for me, it’s been overshadowed by worry. With a high-risk pregnancy, every decision feels monumental. The doctors stress the importance of reducing stress—what’s good for me is good for my baby.
But how do you stay calm when the person you love most keeps reopening old wounds? My mum’s hurtful messages weren’t just words; they became emotional landmines, leaving me anxious and second-guessing my worth.
Act of survival
I kept making excuses for her: She’s drunk. She doesn’t mean it. She’ll regret it tomorrow. But the apologies rarely came, and the damage was already done. Blocking her wasn’t an act of anger; it was an act of survival.
Setting this boundary hasn’t been easy—not just because of the pain it caused me, but because of the fallout within my family. I’m a people pleaser by nature, someone who’s always tried to keep the peace and ensure everyone else is happy.
But this time, my decision to block my mum upset the balance. Some family members understand and support me, but others don’t. I’ve heard the whispers: She’s your mum; how could you do this? I’ve felt the weight of their disappointment and judgement, and it stings.
I’ve tried to explain that this isn’t about punishment or cutting ties forever. It’s about protecting my well-being during the most vulnerable time of my life. But even as I say the words, I know not everyone will understand—and that’s a hard pill to swallow.
As a lifelong people pleaser, this decision feels unnatural. I’ve spent years bending over backwards to make others happy, even at the expense of my own needs. But now, bending isn’t an option.
This pregnancy has taught me that self-preservation isn’t selfish—it’s essential. My baby deserves a mum who’s healthy, whole, and emotionally steady. And I deserve a chance to navigate this journey without the constant fear of being hurt by someone I love.
What I’ve Learned About Boundaries
- Boundaries Are Acts of Love: Blocking my mum wasn’t an act of rejection; it was an act of love, for myself, for my baby, and even for her. Sometimes, stepping back is the only way to create space for healing.
- You Can’t Please Everyone: No matter how carefully I explain my reasons, not everyone will agree. That’s okay. Their opinions don’t define the validity of my choices.
- Your Health Must Come First: Stress isn’t just a feeling; it’s a physiological response that can harm both me and my baby. Prioritising calm isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity.
Sometimes love means stepping away
Blocking my mum doesn’t mean I’ve stopped loving her. If anything, it’s made me grieve the relationship we could have had—and maybe still can. But right now, I have to accept that love doesn’t always mean closeness. Sometimes, love means stepping away to protect yourself from harm.
I don’t know what the future holds for my relationship with my mum. Maybe one day, we’ll find our way back to each other. But for now, my focus is on what I can control: creating a safe, loving environment for my baby and finding peace within myself.
I’m leaning on the people in my life who uplift me, and I’m learning that it’s okay to choose what’s best for me, even if others don’t approve.
Prioritising your well-being
To anyone else facing a similar situation, know this: Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re bridges to a healthier you.
It’s okay to choose peace, even if it means making hard choices. You’re not selfish for prioritising your well-being—you’re strong.
Blocking my mum’s number was never part of the plan, but sometimes, life demands choices we never imagined making. If you’re struggling to set boundaries with someone you love, remember: It’s not about cutting them out; it’s about carving out space for yourself to thrive.
You deserve love, safety, and peace, even if you have to fight for it. Nacoa are always here, you’re not alone and you never will be.
Jen
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