My dad
is an alcoholic. It seems that everyone can see that except for him. To myself,
my mum, and my younger brother and sister, it’s the norm for my dad to drink at
least two bottles of red wine every night of the week. His friends see him as a
‘Saturday evening drinking buddy’, and his work colleagues see him as some sort
of ‘hero’. It’s us 4 at home who get to see the real him.
It is obvious my dad is deeply tormented by something. He suffered from
depression about 14 years ago, and it seems to me that his drinking escalated
from that experience.
He has never been abusive towards any of my family whilst under the influence
of alcohol, although there are a few fist holes in our walls and a couple of
cracked banisters at home. I am now 20 years old, and at University, but every
night I lie awake at night wondering whether I will get to speak to my dad the
next day.
My dad is a family man but it scares me to death to think that he has two
daughters and a son who will need him so much in years to come. My sister and I
need a father to walk us down the aisle on our wedding days, we need a
grandfather for our children and we need a dad everyday until those times come.
These are only roles a father can fill.
My mum is a very strong woman and I will never doubt the fact she has done
everything in her power to help my dad. She will get up in the middle of the
night when he has passed out on the living room floor and turn all the lights
off and get him into bed, and she will make sure that his coffee is on the
table in the morning so that he is at least slightly sober to do the 2 hour
drive to work every morning. The worst bit is the two hours after my dad leaves
for work, as my mum has to sit by the phone dreading a call to tell her he has
had a crash or worse, hurt another driver, whilst at the same time pleading for
the phone call to inform her my dad has arrived safely. This excruciating
period of the day also repeats itself in the evening.
It seems as though he thinks of himself as invincible. The subject is a
complete ‘no go’ area with my dad, as he will get completely defensive about
his drinking and storm off. It is as if he knows that the second he admits to
himself he has a drinking problem, then it becomes real.
Until he does admit it, it is okay to brush it all under the carpet and think
you have years ahead of you because you are completely in denial.
I have tried talking to him, I have tried writing to him, I have tried every
trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help. But right now, it seems I
am at a dead end. There is no way I am going to sit back any longer and watch
my dad kill himself and be the selfish human being he is right now.
I just hope that I still have time to get married and have babies before the
alcohol wins.
This is one fight that I am not going to lose.
