The second he admits he has a drinking problem, then it becomes real

I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

My dad is an alcoholic. It seems that everyone can see that except for him. To myself, my mum, and my younger brother and sister, it’s the norm for my dad to drink at least two bottles of red wine every night of the week. His friends see him as a ‘Saturday evening drinking buddy’, and his work colleagues see him as some sort of ‘hero’. It’s us 4 at home who get to see the real him.

It is obvious my dad is deeply tormented by something. He suffered from depression about 14 years ago, and it seems to me that his drinking escalated from that experience.

He has never been abusive towards any of my family whilst under the influence of alcohol, although there are a few fist holes in our walls and a couple of cracked banisters at home. I am now 20 years old, and at University, but every night I lie awake at night wondering whether I will get to speak to my dad the next day.

My dad is a family man but it scares me to death to think that he has two daughters and a son who will need him so much in years to come. My sister and I need a father to walk us down the aisle on our wedding days, we need a grandfather for our children and we need a dad everyday until those times come.

These are only roles a father can fill.

My mum is a very strong woman and I will never doubt the fact she has done everything in her power to help my dad. She will get up in the middle of the night when he has passed out on the living room floor and turn all the lights off and get him into bed, and she will make sure that his coffee is on the table in the morning so that he is at least slightly sober to do the 2 hour drive to work every morning. The worst bit is the two hours after my dad leaves for work, as my mum has to sit by the phone dreading a call to tell her he has had a crash or worse, hurt another driver, whilst at the same time pleading for the phone call to inform her my dad has arrived safely. This excruciating period of the day also repeats itself in the evening.

It seems as though he thinks of himself as invincible. The subject is a complete ‘no go’ area with my dad, as he will get completely defensive about his drinking and storm off. It is as if he knows that the second he admits to himself he has a drinking problem, then it becomes real.

Until he does admit it, it is okay to brush it all under the carpet and think you have years ahead of you because you are completely in denial.

I have tried talking to him, I have tried writing to him, I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help. But right now, it seems I am at a dead end. There is no way I am going to sit back any longer and watch my dad kill himself and be the selfish human being he is right now.

I just hope that I still have time to get married and have babies before the alcohol wins.

This is one fight that I am not going to lose.

Darcy

Categories:

The second he admits he has a drinking problem, then it becomes real

I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

The second he admits he has a drinking problem, then it becomes real

I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • About Nacoa

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • About Nacoa

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Hello!

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Nacoa branding - style guide

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Contact us Person looking at Nacoa's website for people affected by a parent's drinking to show different ways to contact for support or to get involved with the charity to help other children of alcoholics

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Governance

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • History

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Nacoa Helpline

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Calling the helpline

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Helpline FAQs

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Managing browser history

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Monitoring & evaluation

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Policies & procedures

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Our people

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Abie Dunlop

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Amanda Brett

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Carolyn Jones

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Ceri Walker

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Dr Anne-Marie Barron

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Dr Piers Henriques

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Euan Graham Euan Graham

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Hilary Henriques MBE

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Jane Elson

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Josh Connolly

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Katy Stafford

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Laura Leadbeater

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Laurence McAllister Alleyne

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Maya Parker MA

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Peter Irwin

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Patrons & ambassadors

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • The Nacoa Promise

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Experiences Search Result

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Get involved

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Donate or become a member

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • About Gift Aid

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Become a member

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Welcome new member

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Donate in memory

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Gift in your will

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Give in celebration

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Make a donation

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Thank you!

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • More ways to give

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Fundraising

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Thank you for signing up to Big Nacoa Walk 2024! Big Nacoa Walk thumbnail

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Raise awareness

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Sponsored events

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Volunteering

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Message boards

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Log In

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Message board rules of conduct

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Start a new topic

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Nacoa: Helping everyone affected by their parent's drinking Nacoa UK Helping everyone affected by their parent's drinking

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • News & events

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Events

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Features

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Latest

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • News

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Privacy and cookies policy

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Research & resources

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Books, videos and media

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Nacoa professionals training

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Nacoa publications

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Research

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Widening Access

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Some Punjabi and Sikh parents drink too much…

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Support & advice

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Adults

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Books, videos and media

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • FAQs

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Help and advice

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Information

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Personal experiences

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Children

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Books, videos and media

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • FAQs

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Help and advice

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Information

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Personal experiences

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Concerned others & professionals

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Books, videos and media

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • FAQs

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Help and advice

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Information

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Personal experiences

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Young people

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Books, videos and media

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • FAQs

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Help and advice

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Information

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Personal experiences

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

  • Topics

    I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help.

My dad is an alcoholic. It seems that everyone can see that except for him. To myself, my mum, and my younger brother and sister, it’s the norm for my dad to drink at least two bottles of red wine every night of the week. His friends see him as a ‘Saturday evening drinking buddy’, and his work colleagues see him as some sort of ‘hero’. It’s us 4 at home who get to see the real him.

It is obvious my dad is deeply tormented by something. He suffered from depression about 14 years ago, and it seems to me that his drinking escalated from that experience.

He has never been abusive towards any of my family whilst under the influence of alcohol, although there are a few fist holes in our walls and a couple of cracked banisters at home. I am now 20 years old, and at University, but every night I lie awake at night wondering whether I will get to speak to my dad the next day.

My dad is a family man but it scares me to death to think that he has two daughters and a son who will need him so much in years to come. My sister and I need a father to walk us down the aisle on our wedding days, we need a grandfather for our children and we need a dad everyday until those times come.

These are only roles a father can fill.

My mum is a very strong woman and I will never doubt the fact she has done everything in her power to help my dad. She will get up in the middle of the night when he has passed out on the living room floor and turn all the lights off and get him into bed, and she will make sure that his coffee is on the table in the morning so that he is at least slightly sober to do the 2 hour drive to work every morning. The worst bit is the two hours after my dad leaves for work, as my mum has to sit by the phone dreading a call to tell her he has had a crash or worse, hurt another driver, whilst at the same time pleading for the phone call to inform her my dad has arrived safely. This excruciating period of the day also repeats itself in the evening.

It seems as though he thinks of himself as invincible. The subject is a complete ‘no go’ area with my dad, as he will get completely defensive about his drinking and storm off. It is as if he knows that the second he admits to himself he has a drinking problem, then it becomes real.

Until he does admit it, it is okay to brush it all under the carpet and think you have years ahead of you because you are completely in denial.

I have tried talking to him, I have tried writing to him, I have tried every trick in the book to get my dad to go and get help. But right now, it seems I am at a dead end. There is no way I am going to sit back any longer and watch my dad kill himself and be the selfish human being he is right now.

I just hope that I still have time to get married and have babies before the alcohol wins.

This is one fight that I am not going to lose.

Darcy

You are not alone

Remember the Six "C"s

I didn’t cause it
I can’t control it
I can’t cure it
I can take care of myself
I can communicate my feelings
I can make healthy choices

Resources you may like

Keep in touch

To find out more about our events and activities, subscribe to our mailing list

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp’s privacy practices.