Wonder

I wonder.

I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you
I wonder if I cross your mind as much as you cross mine
I wonder if you miss me as much as I miss you
I wonder if you love me as I love you.

But love you as a daughter shouldn’t love her mother
I love you for showing me what not to be
I love you for teaching me not how to be
I love you for demonstrating who not to be.

I wish things were different, I wish we were different
I wish this part of my story were different
I wish the way I feel about us would be different
I wish I could love you different.

I hope you are at peace
At peace with the fact that you don’t know anything about me
At peace with the fact that the first person who broke my heart was you
At peace with the constant damage you have left in me
I hope you’re at peace as much as I am now.

I know who you are
And I know who I am
And we are not the same
And I know that is all there is to us
You
Me
Separate people and separate lives.

I wonder if you ever regret not choosing me as much as I would have chosen you
I wonder if you could turn back the clock you’d make different choices as much as I’d wish
I wonder if you missed me as much as I missed you
I wonder if you ever loved me as much as I loved you

I wondered.

I hope this Poem helps if anyone can relate to the grief of someone who is very much alive but not there anymore.

Bethany, age 24

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