Bottling everything up and unable to speak to anybody
I was 12, we had the ‘perfect’ life, big house, I had a baby sister, mum and her fiancé were getting married, but that unfortunately didn’t happen. They split up and that started bad choices in my mum’s life.
Her life spiralled out of control. She was obviously felt a hole inside and tried to fill that hole with ‘exciting’ men. She met a drug dealer, the bad boy type. That’s when the drinking started. It was an abusive, toxic relationship. I went from getting tucked in at night to having to carry my mum to bed in the space of 12 months.
Thankfully he left but the damage had been done. A pit of sadness opened up inside her and the only way she saw to deal with it was wine. I asked my family for help because I was worried about my mum. ‘She doesn’t drink in the morning, she’s not an alcoholic’ but they didn’t have to clean up rotten food and wine bottles from all over the house.
My family’s reaction is what made me bottle everything up. I felt like I couldn’t speak to anybody because I was ‘just an emotional child’. I love my mum so much, I care about her more than anyone. But for my own head I’ve had to take a step back. I’m 26 now, I am now only just starting to confront my feelings.
I missed out on my teenage years because I saw alcohol is the devil. I worry about my 16 year old sister and 4 year old brother. I don’t want them to have to deal with the things I have. Have the feelings I have. I want them to experience the loving, caring side to her which she has. Not the evil.
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