I couldn’t fully protect my son

As most of us know, alcoholism is an extremely serious, debilitating, and heart-breaking illness. And before telling you about my experience, I would like to make this abundantly clear and emphasize it with anyone who has or is currently experiencing alcoholism, themselves.

I am very lucky, I had a healthy balanced childhood with wonderful parents, and of course wanted this for any children I may have in the future.

This is a very long story, but thankfully one that I can now tell because I am finally OK and have been for quite a few years.

I will only focus on certain points.

Mental and physical abuse

I met my ex-partner in 2000, Within 3 months of meeting this person, I had gone from a confident, vivacious young woman who was trying to make it in the music industry, spending a lot of time at auditions, to a person who was groomed through mental and physical abuse.

This happened mostly when my partner was on alcohol and drugs, but not always. I was mentally in the gutter and was a shadow of my former self, within six months.

Over the next few years, I was beaten, drugged, and endured the most horrendous mental & physical abuse. This was only the tip of the iceberg.

I found myself pregnant with my son who is now nearly nineteen. I had my son in 2004. We lived with my parents for a while, and I began to rebuild my life.

I needed to protect my son

Even though my ex-partner was awful to me, I always maintained that he should have a relationship with his son. I felt very strongly that as a mother I needed to protect my son, but at the same time try my best to ensure my son had his father in his life.

As much as I tried to protect my son with every fibre of my being, I couldn’t fully protect him.

When my son was 9 and after a court case, my son was eventually was listened to. He decided he did not want to see his father due to his behaviour and the constant broken promises. Playing football with him while so intoxicated, he could not focus on the ball, I could go on and on…..

My son, now nearly 19 is thankfully a well-adjusted, sensible, kind person. He has the most wonderful work ethic and is very level-headed, we have the most unbreakable bond, but I will always carry a guilt that I couldn’t provide a wonderful father for him, just like I have in my dad.

I do fully believe the court system in this country is not strong enough to protect children of alcoholics. There needs to be healthier strategies in place for their protection, because I had to fight with everything I had and that simply was not fair. This is something I am going to campaign for.

Moving forward to today September 2023, my son is thriving in life and working towards his future career and I am just about to launch my new business. Life is good, but if I had given up, it would have been a very different story.

Victoria

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