I can’t believe I have discovered this website. When I was a teenager I dreamt of starting a website to help young children dealing with alcoholic parents. I always felt so alone and scared whilst being a part of an extremely loving family. I feel like my story might be able to help some people relating to death and alcoholism:
My mother was a closeted alcoholic ever since I can remember. She was loving and took care of us so I never thought it was a problem. My father passed away when I was 14. This left us with a mom who couldn’t really take care of us, yet no one knew. This is the hardest thing to share, but I found myself saying ‘you took the wrong parent’ even though I loved my mother so much.
Tragedy struck our family even harder when my mother got diagnosed with colon cancer four years later. No one ever told us but I knew that it was because of her drinking. My feelings no longer were feelings of resentment and hate for her drinking, I now felt terrible for any bad thought I had ever had about her. All I wanted was for her to live. To be there for us, she could do no wrong.
It has been almost 8 years since she has passed. I have been through a lot, but have learnt a lot of lessons along the way:
- It’s ok to be mad at someone who has died!!
- Even though alcoholism is a disease and that person might not be able to help themselves, others can help. It’s ok to be mad at others who didn’t help
- Being angry and feeling pain is the only way to help anxiety. For the longest time I kept it all in, 8 years later anxiety hit me harder than at any point of my life. Feel the anger, the resentment, the unlove, it’s the only way to eventually let love in again.
- Find an outlet. Yoga became my outlet and MY space. My place of true being.
I am just now finishing a Masters in Early Years Education and my dissertation was on yoga with young children. I am passionate about helping children who you might not know need help… like myself as a child. No one knew my suffering, my disconnect was described as daydreaming, and I had no place to go. If I had discovered yoga, I believe that I might have had a space to feel ok, to feel connected with myself.