If you grow up with an alcoholic parent, you can do anything
The bad news: growing up with an alcoholic parent is the hardest thing you’ll ever do.
The good news: get through that, and you’ll realise you’re capable of anything.
I don’t know you. But since you’re reading this, I reckon we probably have a lot in common (whether you’re 9 or 90).
⌛ I’m 35 now.
⌛ Until I was 28, I told no one that my mum was an alcoholic
My mum was an alcoholic
When I was a kid, I lived with three siblings—and a kind, patient, caring, loving stepdad.
Outside that home, I had many other loving and supportive family members—including the best dad anyone could hope for.
🏠 But because of my own shame and my mother’s expert manipulation, we didn’t tell anyone what life was really like at home. And, so, no one knew.
Home was chaotic
Looking back, I don’t know how we hid it so well—for large parts of our lives, that home was chaotic, traumatising, and at times terrifying.
Many days, there were fears. There was unpredictability. But more than anything, there were questions:
- Will Mum be drunk today?
- Why are there so many lies?
- Why is she so angry and aggressive?
- Will she try to kill herself again today?
- Does my mum love me? Does anyone?
- Will the shouting keep me awake again tonight?
- Will Mum disappear again tonight? And will she come back?
Who you become
When you live among those questions, you grow up fast.
- You become a parent to your parent, and you learn how to cover someone else’s tracks.
- You know when danger is coming—even if, two hours ago, it was dressed in a smile, dishing out hugs, and holding a shopping bag.
- You get used to disappointment and fear.
- You learn to trust no one, and believe nothing.
- You come to expect zero – and you get even less.
- You learn how to make people laugh—because if everyone’s laughing, no one’s crying.
And it’s hard.
… but, here’s the good news:
Maybe you’re an adult and you already know this… or maybe you’re a child, and you’re yet to learn:
All these childhood struggles might make you feel weak.
But, really, they make you strong.
Because, eventually, you grow to be:
✅ Prepared
✅ Resilient
✅ Brave
So no, it isn’t fair. It isn’t your fault. It isn’t easy. And people might never truly understand your ‘admirable’ mindset.
But it was training. Because, now:
❌ You don’t give up when things get hard
❌ You don’t crumble under pressure or pain
❌ You know that physical struggle is nothing compared to mental struggle
You see, your parent didn’t break you. So nothing ever will.
That’s why, now, as a 35-year-old man: I do one tough physical challenge for charity each year.
And the next one? I’m doing it to raise money for Nacoa.
The challenge
🏴Last year, in 2024, I cycled from Newcastle to Istanbul with my legendary dad (who also doubles up as my best friend)
It took 10 weeks and measured 2,500 miles (4,000 kilometres). Because we’re proud Geordies, we wore our Newcastle shirts for the entire journey—and raised over £2,500 for Movember.
But next year, in early 2026, I’m doing something even harder.
🏃Here goes: I’m gonna attempt to run the entire length of northern England’s Tyne-Wear Metro system in under 24 hours. According to my (admittedly very rudimentary) calculations, that’s 73.5 miles (118 kilometers)
🖤🤍 Again, I’ll be wearing my Newcastle shirt for the whole challenge 🖤🤍
Yep, it’s gonna be hard and horrible and unpredictable.
But, hey, I’ve been training for hard and horrible and unpredictable things for a very long time. For more years than anyone could ever understand.
✅You see, reader—me and you: we’re still standing.
✅And as long as I’m standing, I’ll continue to run.
🖊️P.S. Before you go, one more thing—and it’s the most important part of this whole article: if you’re still living with an alcoholic parent, you show courage every day. I’m proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself. Do me a favour and show one more piece of courage: pick up that phone and call Nacoa. It really could change your life.
Paul
Sponsor Paul on The RunTheMetro challenge fundraising page.
To read more experience stories, go to Support & Advice.
