Shedding the cloak of shame of addiction

“Your mum’s so fun,” they would say with envy dripping from their words

Unaware of the chaos that lurked behind the facade of laughter and late-night revelry

They admired her for the many bottles she emptied

The cigarettes she chain-smoked

The parties that lasted until dawn

But they couldn’t see the exhaustion etched into my weary eyes

The sleepless nights spent waiting for her return

The hollow ache of longing for a mother who was always just out of reach

To them, she was a symbol of rebellion

A living embodiment of freedom

But to me, she was a prisoner of her own vices

And I was just a bystander in the wreckage of her choices

But behind closed doors, the facade crumbled

Revealing a darker truth

The laughter turned hollow

Drowned out by the clinking of bottles

And the hushed whispers of shame

This shame weighed heavy upon my shoulders like a leaden cloak

A constant companion in the shadow of my mother’s addiction

The whispers of judgment followed me like a haunting melody

A reminder of the chaos that lurked behind closed doors

With every stumble

Every shattered promise

Every harsh word slurred in anger

Every missed bill

Every hospital visit

Every strange man who crossed our threshold

The shame deepened

Carving trenches in my soul

I longed to escape the suffocating grip of embarrassment

To shed the burden of my mother’s choices

But the stain of her addiction clung to me like a second skin

A constant reminder of the shame that coloured my world

But within that darkness

I glimpsed a glimmer of resilience.

A spark of defiance that refused to be extinguished

With each step forward

I shed the cloak of shame

Embracing instead the power of my agency

No longer bound by the chains of the past

I forged a new path

Guided by the strength of my convictions

And the promise of redemption

As I broke free from the cycle that had ensnared the generation before me

The weight of shame transformed into a beacon of empowerment

Illuminating the way forward with unwavering clarity and purpose

Nat Louise

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