Shedding the cloak of shame of addiction
“Your mum’s so fun,” they would say with envy dripping from their words
Unaware of the chaos that lurked behind the facade of laughter and late-night revelry
They admired her for the many bottles she emptied
The cigarettes she chain-smoked
The parties that lasted until dawn
But they couldn’t see the exhaustion etched into my weary eyes
The sleepless nights spent waiting for her return
The hollow ache of longing for a mother who was always just out of reach
To them, she was a symbol of rebellion
A living embodiment of freedom
But to me, she was a prisoner of her own vices
And I was just a bystander in the wreckage of her choices
But behind closed doors, the facade crumbled
Revealing a darker truth
The laughter turned hollow
Drowned out by the clinking of bottles
And the hushed whispers of shame
This shame weighed heavy upon my shoulders like a leaden cloak
A constant companion in the shadow of my mother’s addiction
The whispers of judgment followed me like a haunting melody
A reminder of the chaos that lurked behind closed doors
With every stumble
Every shattered promise
Every harsh word slurred in anger
Every missed bill
Every hospital visit
Every strange man who crossed our threshold
The shame deepened
Carving trenches in my soul
I longed to escape the suffocating grip of embarrassment
To shed the burden of my mother’s choices
But the stain of her addiction clung to me like a second skin
A constant reminder of the shame that coloured my world
But within that darkness
I glimpsed a glimmer of resilience.
A spark of defiance that refused to be extinguished
With each step forward
I shed the cloak of shame
Embracing instead the power of my agency
No longer bound by the chains of the past
I forged a new path
Guided by the strength of my convictions
And the promise of redemption
As I broke free from the cycle that had ensnared the generation before me
The weight of shame transformed into a beacon of empowerment
Illuminating the way forward with unwavering clarity and purpose
Nat Louise
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