As a child I had two alcoholic parents. Every week day evening my Dad would walk to the local corner shop to ‘top up the electric meter’ and to purchase alcohol. Friday and Saturday nights my younger sister and I were shipped off so they could go to the pub. Sundays were the day they would drink the whole day into the evening.
My dad went two ways drunk. He was either aggressive/unpredictable, we could hear him yelling from our bedrooms. Shouting how much he in-particular hated me and would hurl abuse. He was convinced I wasn’t his biological daughter. Or he became depressed and self-loathing, you never knew which side of his personality it would bring out.
I feel my mum drank to cope with my Dad; she was/is submissive, passive and frightened of my unpredictable Dad. But with them both being intoxicated this led to horrific nightly arguments.
They were very withdrawn and had no interest in mine or my sister’s lives. We both ended up leaving home around 16, because we could not cope with the situation anymore.
I am writing this now, because for the last 11 weeks I have had two sober parents. This is the only 11 weeks I can remember out of 34 years of my life. For a second I had a glimpse of a family where alcohol was not the priority. My Dad has been on and off alcohol for the last few years, he suffers with inflamed joints and drinking makes his tablets less effective and therefore making his condition more painful. But recently appears to be in control of the situation.
However, my Mum was very much still in denial. Last November there was an incident where she fell down the stairs. This frightened her and she decided to get help for her issues. This time, I seriously thought it was the turning point. My sister and I were so confident that we booked us all a family holiday as a Christmas present and the prospective of my 20 month old son staying overnight was a possibility.
My son makes this situation more difficult, they are brilliant with him and I don’t want to deny them access. My Dad is a much better Granddad (not that it would take much) than Dad and my son adores him.
But both of them blatantly lied to me over and over this weekend about Mum drinking, I can’t trust them with the care of my son when they can’t tell me the truth. They were caring for him every Friday whilst I was at work. But I think this a privilege I am sadly going to need to stop until they can prove they can be trusted.
I posted a post on social media for mother’s day yesterday telling her how proud I am of her, she called me drunk to thank me for this post. Oh the sad irony!
I feel hurt, angry and saddened by the fact having a grandchild hasn’t been enough to make her stop. They are lucky they haven’t lost me already but I have my own family to think about and a successful career to juggle and I am not sure how much more I can take, I am at breaking point.