Behind closed doors, family life was chaotic
I recently completed Ride London (100 miles/ 160km) with my partner, Ed, and I am proud to say we raised £1,700 for Nacoa! Two years ago, I remember watching people getting into cycling post lockdown and I was in awe, if not envious, at the seemingly fun, sporty daytrips people were having together.
I didn’t even own a bike and my only experience involved family bike rides up until the age of 12. I ended up getting my own bike and cycled from London to Brighton with a bunch of friends – this inspired my fundraising challenge for Nacoa.
The event itself involved quite a bit of training, but training was so much easier having a personal tug and investment into a charity with the backing of family & friends.
If training felt hard one day, it gave me a strong sense of purpose and I knew it would all be worth it. Cycling with Ed was extremely special – not only did it allow us to explore new places on the bike together, but it also allowed Ed to become a part of my history.
On the outside, life was pretty normal
Nacoa is a charity I wish I came across when I was little. My younger Sister and I grew up with an alcoholic Mother and a full-time working Dad.
On the outside, life was pretty normal. We went to school, still had playdates with other kids and I am very lucky to still remember having a vibrant childhood surrounded by love, adventures and opportunity.
However, there is a darker side to my story. Mum died from chronic alcohol abuse 6 years ago.
Although things seemed ‘normal’ in our perfect Tunbridge Wells lifestyle, they were not. Behind closed doors, family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.
Mum was a fierce alcoholic and under her mattress were rows of wine bottles – one could mistake it for a secret wine cellar.
When we got home from school, Mum was typically asleep, and we would be careful not to wake her and release an angry, wicked alter ego.
I would ring the police or make threats to do so
Sometimes things got physical, and sometimes I would ring the police or make threats to do so, hence the police visits.
I would calculatedly wait outside her room until I heard the wine lid unscrew, burst my way in, physically restrain her to the ground and pass the bottle to my younger Sister to pour down the sink.
Being the eldest sister with an ill mother held a big sense of responsibility – a responsibility an 8-year-old should never have had. With Dad being absent during key hours after school, I felt like I had to protect my little Sister and Mum.
Years later, we were lucky to have the support from my Auntie who acted as our guardian and pastoral advisor, but like us, she was adapting on the job and lacked experience of an alcohol abuser.
I met Ed just 2 years ago, so he never met Mum (I am 27 now). In fact, I was estranged from Mum at the age of 18.
Having completed Ride London together gave us a shared sense of connection to the charity and it made me feel like we could connect to my Mum together in a positive way. I know she would have been so proud of us and the money we raised.
The thought of having a helpline like this would have really given us the support we needed in times we lacked it the most. Although our family missed this, it feels hugely gratifying to know that this money can help to pass this gift on to other children currently living in chaos.
Emma
Emma was a guest in a podcast on grief and addiction which you can catch Spotify – Got Grief – Speaking up on Addiction
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