Behind closed doors, family life was chaotic

Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

Behind closed doors, family life was chaotic

Behind closed doors, family life was chaotic

I recently completed Ride London (100 miles/ 160km) with my partner, Ed, and I am proud to say we raised £1,700 for Nacoa!  Two years ago, I remember watching people getting into cycling post lockdown and I was in awe, if not envious, at the seemingly fun, sporty daytrips people were having together.

I didn’t even own a bike and my only experience involved family bike rides up until the age of 12. I ended up getting my own bike and cycled from London to Brighton with a bunch of friends – this inspired my fundraising challenge for Nacoa.

The event itself involved quite a bit of training, but training was so much easier having a personal tug and investment into a charity with the backing of family & friends.

If training felt hard one day, it gave me a strong sense of purpose and I knew it would all be worth it. Cycling with Ed was extremely special – not only did it allow us to explore new places on the bike together, but it also allowed Ed to become a part of my history.

family life was chaotic 3

On the outside, life was pretty normal

Nacoa is a charity I wish I came across when I was little. My younger Sister and I grew up with an alcoholic Mother and a full-time working Dad.

On the outside, life was pretty normal. We went to school, still had playdates with other kids and I am very lucky to still remember having a vibrant childhood surrounded by love, adventures and opportunity.

However, there is a darker side to my story. Mum died from chronic alcohol abuse 6 years ago.

Although things seemed ‘normal’ in our perfect Tunbridge Wells lifestyle, they were not. Behind closed doors, family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

Mum was a fierce alcoholic and under her mattress were rows of wine bottles – one could mistake it for a secret wine cellar.

When we got home from school, Mum was typically asleep, and we would be careful not to wake her and release an angry, wicked alter ego.

family life was chaotic 2

I would ring the police or make threats to do so

Sometimes things got physical, and sometimes I would ring the police or make threats to do so, hence the police visits.

I would calculatedly wait outside her room until I heard the wine lid unscrew, burst my way in, physically restrain her to the ground and pass the bottle to my younger Sister to pour down the sink.

Being the eldest sister with an ill mother held a big sense of responsibility – a responsibility an 8-year-old should never have had. With Dad being absent during key hours after school, I felt like I had to protect my little Sister and Mum.

Years later, we were lucky to have the support from my Auntie who acted as our guardian and pastoral advisor, but like us, she was adapting on the job and lacked experience of an alcohol abuser. 

I met Ed just 2 years ago, so he never met Mum (I am 27 now). In fact, I was estranged from Mum at the age of 18.

Having completed Ride London together gave us a shared sense of connection to the charity and it made me feel like we could connect to my Mum together in a positive way. I know she would have been so proud of us and the money we raised.

The thought of having a helpline like this would have really given us the support we needed in times we lacked it the most. Although our family missed this, it feels hugely gratifying to know that this money can help to pass this gift on to other children currently living in chaos.

Emma

Emma was a guest in a podcast on grief and addiction which you can catch Spotify – Got Grief – Speaking up on Addiction

To do your own sponsored event, contact us or find out more.

Categories:

Behind closed doors, family life was chaotic

Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

Behind closed doors, family life was chaotic

Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • About Nacoa

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • About Nacoa

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Hello!

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Nacoa branding - style guide

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Contact us Person looking at Nacoa's website for people affected by a parent's drinking to show different ways to contact for support or to get involved with the charity to help other children of alcoholics

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Governance

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • History

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Nacoa Helpline

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Calling the helpline

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Helpline FAQs

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Managing browser history

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Monitoring & evaluation

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Policies & procedures

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Our people

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Abie Dunlop

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Amanda Brett

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Amy Dickson

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Carolyn Jones

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Ceri Walker

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Dr Anne-Marie Barron

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Dr Piers Henriques

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Euan Graham Euan Graham

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Hilary Henriques MBE

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Jane Elson

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Josh Connolly

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Katy Stafford

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Laura Leadbeater

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Laurence McAllister Alleyne

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Maya Parker MA

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Peter Irwin

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Patrons & ambassadors

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • The Nacoa Promise

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Experiences Search Result

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Get involved

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Donate or become a member

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • About Gift Aid

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Become a corporate member

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Become a member

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Welcome new member

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Donate in memory

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Gift in your will

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Give in celebration

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Make a donation

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Thank you!

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • More ways to give

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Fundraising

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Thank you for signing up to Big Nacoa Walk 2024! Big Nacoa Walk thumbnail

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Raise awareness

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Sponsored events

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Volunteering

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Nacoa Volunteer Application Form

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Message boards

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Log In

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Message board rules of conduct

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Start a new topic

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Nacoa: Helping everyone affected by their parent's drinking Nacoa UK Helping everyone affected by their parent's drinking

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • News & events

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Events

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Features

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Latest

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • News

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Privacy and cookies policy

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Research & resources

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Books, videos and media

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Nacoa professionals training

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Nacoa publications

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Research

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Widening Access

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Some Punjabi and Sikh parents drink too much…

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Support & advice

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Adults

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Books, videos and media

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • FAQs

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Help and advice

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Information

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Personal experiences

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Children

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Books, videos and media

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • FAQs

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Help and advice

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Information

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Personal experiences

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Concerned others & professionals

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Books, videos and media

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • FAQs

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Help and advice

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Information

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Personal experiences

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Young people

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Books, videos and media

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • FAQs

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Help and advice

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Information

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Personal experiences

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

  • Topics

    Family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

Behind closed doors, family life was chaotic

Behind closed doors, family life was chaotic

I recently completed Ride London (100 miles/ 160km) with my partner, Ed, and I am proud to say we raised £1,700 for Nacoa!  Two years ago, I remember watching people getting into cycling post lockdown and I was in awe, if not envious, at the seemingly fun, sporty daytrips people were having together.

I didn’t even own a bike and my only experience involved family bike rides up until the age of 12. I ended up getting my own bike and cycled from London to Brighton with a bunch of friends – this inspired my fundraising challenge for Nacoa.

The event itself involved quite a bit of training, but training was so much easier having a personal tug and investment into a charity with the backing of family & friends.

If training felt hard one day, it gave me a strong sense of purpose and I knew it would all be worth it. Cycling with Ed was extremely special – not only did it allow us to explore new places on the bike together, but it also allowed Ed to become a part of my history.

family life was chaotic 3

On the outside, life was pretty normal

Nacoa is a charity I wish I came across when I was little. My younger Sister and I grew up with an alcoholic Mother and a full-time working Dad.

On the outside, life was pretty normal. We went to school, still had playdates with other kids and I am very lucky to still remember having a vibrant childhood surrounded by love, adventures and opportunity.

However, there is a darker side to my story. Mum died from chronic alcohol abuse 6 years ago.

Although things seemed ‘normal’ in our perfect Tunbridge Wells lifestyle, they were not. Behind closed doors, family life was chaotic, and we would have regular police visits to our home.

Mum was a fierce alcoholic and under her mattress were rows of wine bottles – one could mistake it for a secret wine cellar.

When we got home from school, Mum was typically asleep, and we would be careful not to wake her and release an angry, wicked alter ego.

family life was chaotic 2

I would ring the police or make threats to do so

Sometimes things got physical, and sometimes I would ring the police or make threats to do so, hence the police visits.

I would calculatedly wait outside her room until I heard the wine lid unscrew, burst my way in, physically restrain her to the ground and pass the bottle to my younger Sister to pour down the sink.

Being the eldest sister with an ill mother held a big sense of responsibility – a responsibility an 8-year-old should never have had. With Dad being absent during key hours after school, I felt like I had to protect my little Sister and Mum.

Years later, we were lucky to have the support from my Auntie who acted as our guardian and pastoral advisor, but like us, she was adapting on the job and lacked experience of an alcohol abuser. 

I met Ed just 2 years ago, so he never met Mum (I am 27 now). In fact, I was estranged from Mum at the age of 18.

Having completed Ride London together gave us a shared sense of connection to the charity and it made me feel like we could connect to my Mum together in a positive way. I know she would have been so proud of us and the money we raised.

The thought of having a helpline like this would have really given us the support we needed in times we lacked it the most. Although our family missed this, it feels hugely gratifying to know that this money can help to pass this gift on to other children currently living in chaos.

Emma

Emma was a guest in a podcast on grief and addiction which you can catch Spotify – Got Grief – Speaking up on Addiction

To do your own sponsored event, contact us or find out more.

You are not alone

Remember the Six "C"s

I didn’t cause it
I can’t control it
I can’t cure it
I can take care of myself
I can communicate my feelings
I can make healthy choices

Resources you may like

Keep in touch

To find out more about our events and activities, subscribe to our mailing list

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp’s privacy practices.