I am a 46 year old recovering ACOA and I have to say that going to the AA meetings at an early age (Al-anon, Al-teen) saved my life. My lovely mother was a binge alcoholic who ran a very successful group of Building Societies in Chicago – she was my hero! A very powerful woman that to this day, I still wonder how she managed to run a business and raise 6 kids on her own (the love of her life, my father, passed away unexpectedly when I was born). As you can tell, I forgave her and could not have done that without my support groups and my sponsor. I was able to forgive the person who I wished was dead on a daily basis.
Forgiveness was vital for me as I had years of fear and unresolved anger. It all began when I was 9 years old. My mom came home trashed from a business event. She had blood on the back of her skirt – not knowing what to make of any of this, I thought she was in an accident. The fear I carried with me for years began then. The need to protect her (co-dependence) started then too. Then the anger, piles of anger. I was the last kid at home, so I was the co-dependent child who was there for my horrible alcoholic mother.
We never went without food, clothes, necessities, but we did go without guidance, family values and love. I remember envying my friends’ families… a mom who helped with homework, a mom who sat and chatted, a mom who morally supported.
Before my recovery kicked in, I used people like tissues, I have indulged in drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, spending and food. I was generally an angry person who thought the world owed me something. I used my addictions to try and fill this “void”. My recovery path taught me all about my voids which weren’t so scary after all.
I am a very happy, healthy mother of two girls (ages 11 and 15) and have a wonderful husband. It brings tears to my eyes every time I hear them say things like, “my friends love you mom, they think you are great”, “you are the best mom”, “so and so wishes her mom was like you”… I feel like every crash and fall, every cliff-hanger, every pothole of my ACOA journey was worth it when I see my incredible girls grow.
Serenely
