After a recent breakdown in my marriage of 30 years, I was offered some counselling through my place of work. As I have read from other experiences on the website my counsellor linked a lot of my adult behaviour to having been brought up in a household with an alcoholic mother.
My father ignored her addiction and pretended it wasn’t happening, he became a very quiet withdrawn person who was extremely difficult to communicate with.
I was the youngest of three daughters, my eldest sister was 8 years older than me so I don’t remember her very much as I grew up, in fact I don’t remember a lot about my childhood apart from the feeling of being completely alone.
I didn’t learn the necessary communication skills needed to lead a happy fun life. There was only a year between my other sister and myself, we were always very close but unfortunately I lost her to cancer 4 year ago.
As I grew up I drifted in and out of unsuccessful relationships but never really felt I loved anyone, or in fact knew what love was. I met my husband when I was 25 became pregnant very quickly with our first son who I adored.
My husband became the provider, very good at providing everything we needed but seemed to forget we may have needed his time, so again I found myself in a home with someone who was very difficult to communicate with.
We had another son when I was 35 which kept us together for another 18 years, but recently just recently I suddenly felt one day (the day my dog died) that I didn’t want to be this person anymore.
It was not until I went to the counsellor did I realise my behaviour during my adult life had come from my childhood. I really wish I had this kind of help a long time ago but at least now as hard as it is I can start to find myself and hopefully the future may be full of a bit more happiness and fun.