The Family Secret

If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new ...

About Nacoa
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
About Nacoa
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Hello!
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Nacoa branding - style guide
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Contact us
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Governance
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
History
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Nacoa Helpline
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Calling the helpline
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Helpline FAQs
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Managing browser history
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Monitoring & evaluation
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Policies & procedures
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Our people
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Abie Dunlop
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Amanda Brett
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Amy Dickson
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Carolyn Jones
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Ceri Walker
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Dr Anne-Marie Barron
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Dr Piers Henriques
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Euan Graham
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Hilary Henriques MBE
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Jane Elson
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Josh Connolly
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Katy Stafford
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Laura Leadbeater
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Laurence McAllister Alleyne
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Maya Parker MA
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Peter Irwin
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Patrons & ambassadors
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
The Nacoa Promise
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Experiences Search Result
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Get involved
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Donate or become a member
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
About Gift Aid
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Become a corporate member
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Become a member
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Welcome new member
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Donate in memory
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Gift in your will
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Give in celebration
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Make a donation
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Thank you!
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
More ways to give
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Fundraising
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Thank you for signing up to Big Nacoa Walk 2024!
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Raise awareness
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Sponsored events
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Volunteering
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Message boards
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Log In
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Message board rules of conduct
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Start a new topic
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Nacoa: Helping everyone affected by their parent's drinking
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
News & events
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Events
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Features
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Latest
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
News
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Privacy and cookies policy
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Research & resources
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Books, videos and media
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Nacoa professionals training
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Nacoa publications
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Research
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Widening Access
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Some Punjabi and Sikh parents drink too much…
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Support & advice
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Adults
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Books, videos and media
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
FAQs
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Help and advice
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Information
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Personal experiences
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Children
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Books, videos and media
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
FAQs
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Help and advice
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Information
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Personal experiences
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Concerned others & professionals
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Books, videos and media
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
FAQs
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Help and advice
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Information
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Personal experiences
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Young people
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Books, videos and media
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
FAQs
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Help and advice
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Information
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Personal experiences
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.
Topics
If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality.

The Family Secret

The Family Secret

‘She died of cancer’. That was the lie my dad told our neighbour when she asked how my mum had died. As the words poured out of my dad’s mouth, I stood silent in my own discomfort. Their conversation lasted for what felt like eternity. All the while I was wishing that the ground would swallow me up. We had many more interactions like this with neighbours, friends and family. Each time denying the truth of my mum’s addiction and keeping it a family secret.

She didn’t have cancer, she was an alcoholic and died of liver cirrhosis from heavy drinking when I was 14, but we never told anyone that, not even family members. I suppose that we both found it easier to hide the truth as it was a Pandora’s Box of painful, sad memories. Memories of the alcohol on her breath, of her getting emotionally and physically abusive, or worse, being in a medically induced coma before her death.

If you lie enough you convince yourself that the lie is true, the lie becomes your new distorted reality. So, this is how the secret began, most likely as a coping mechanism, allowing us to recreate a more palatable but delusional past for ourselves and allowing us to ignore the box of memories. A past that didn’t feel so shameful to share with others, one where we would get a reaction of sympathy rather than shock or judgement.

Hope

For more experience stories, find Support & Advice.

You are not alone

Remember the Six "C"s

I didn’t cause it
I can’t control it
I can’t cure it
I can take care of myself
I can communicate my feelings
I can make healthy choices

Experiences

Resources you may like

The 1 in 5 Documentary: A film about the forgotten children of alcoholics

By John Taylor

5-Step Self-Help Handbook for Family Members

By AFINet

Nacoa lunchtime lives

By Josh Connolly and special guests

Find Your Oasis – A collection of writing from those affected

By Various

Catch Me When I Fall

By Dr Tony Rao

Paper Therapy – COA Edition

By Various authors

Keep in touch

To find out more about our events and activities, subscribe to our mailing list

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp’s privacy practices.